Has anyone ever noticed that your kids are petty independent beings, until you’re busy? I mean, I have to hear ALL DAY that my daughter wants to do it “by myself” or to “let me do it,” until I finally give in and leave her alone to her own devices. But oh no- I can’t get too comfortable because heaven forbid I actually start doing something for myself. THAT’S when she finally needs me. Here are just a few of the ironic ways kids suddenly need your full attention when you’re busy.
1. When I’m On The Phone
This has deserved top spot in my list, because I rarely talk on the phone. Who has time? I work from home and spend my entire day with a 4-year old. Who on earth would I need to talk to? On the rare occasion I’m on the phone, it’s usually serious business: I have a work call with my boss, I’m returning the call to the doctor’s office, or I’m scheduling repair men to hurry up and come stop the leak that is flooding my kitchen. Why WOULDN’T my daughter suddenly need me to change the channel because, as she likes to scream from the other room, “SOMETHING HAPPENED TO THE TV!” Now would also be the perfect time to start crying that she doesn’t want to finish the last 4 minutes of her quiet time, or tell me that she lost a princess behind the book shelf. I give up. I’ll just live my life by texts.
2. When I’m In The Shower
Sorry girlfriend, I can’t get out of the shower to go look at your collection of teddy bears. I also can’t carry on a life-changing conversation with you from the other room because I can’t hear you and for ONCE I’m taking care of myself by showering. And NO I can’t open that pack of fruit snacks with sopping wet hands so you’ll have to wait (ok, I did do that once to quell the madness but never again).
3. When I’m Driving
WHY!? We have had this conversation one THOUSAND TIMES that I cannot tie your shoe, fix your earring or look at whatever object you want me to look at because I’m DRIVING. Sorry you dropped your goldfish, they will have to wait for the next red light or NEVER because I’m trying to keep us all alive by driving safe.
4. When I’m Vacuuming
Really? NOW you want to talk about why you didn’t listen and obey 6 hours ago? Is it the sudden realization that I’m thoroughly fixated on cleaning up the mess I’ve been trying to accomplish for the last week? Or just that you like to live in squalor and want me to avoid the vacuum at all costs?
5. While I’m Watching the Last (AND BEST) Few Minutes Of My Favorite Show
I really only need you to be quiet for TWO MINUTES. That’s all it takes for me to ensure that I’ve completed understood the resolution to this episode. What I DON’T need is for you to ask me every 9 seconds whether the show is over yet, if you can get a snack and again- whether the show is over yet. Eventually I just give up and watch it later. Or many times, never.
6. While I’m Going To The Bathroom
Nothing inhibits your own attempts at using the bathroom than a peeping tom in the shape of your own kids. Even worse, when you’re finally alone and getting things done in there, THAT’S when your 4 year old decides that they have to go, and that they’ve beat you to the finish line and being yelling “I’m DONE CAN YOU COME WIPE MY BUTT!?” Yes, yes I can. But you have to wait your turn.