I’m all about mom tribes, but what happens when you don’t have one? There are chapters in life that keep you isolated or transitions that cause you to relocate and start over with friendships. Let’s face it…if we based our success as mothers on our surrounding mom tribes, there would be times we would set ourselves up for failure.
I’ve been a mom for a handful of years, and I LOVE people. My problem isn’t meeting people as much as it is that I require a lot of depth in my friendships. Sure, going out for coffee or a glass of wine is nice, but if there’s not meaningful conversation to go along with it, I probably wouldn’t make the time to do it again. You see, I need a break as much as the next mom, but I, personally, wouldn’t choose to spend my break in surface level conversations. Maybe it’s the expectations of the members of my tribe that keep me from finding the right additions.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with people who are okay with lack of depth! These friendships probably are WAY more fun! Moms who don’t require constant meaningful conversations are likely to find their tribe a lot sooner than people like me. But if you can relate to my expectations, how do you survive without your tribe?
1. What if your family became your tribe?
When your kids are young and you are in the early trenches of motherhood, sometimes you just need your family! Instead of looking for a way out, look inward! Look toward your spouse and even your kids! Let them morph into your tribe. You may even have extended family that can fill in the gaps where you wish you had friends! My grandma, mom, and sisters are some of my best friends and vital parts of my tribe!
2. Remember you’re not alone.
Sometimes it’s easy to feel like you are the only one lacking a tribe. But you aren’t! There are others seeing posts about the “mom posse” and how “it takes a village” and wishing they could find theirs! The key to finding your tribe is to not convince yourself that you are the only one without it!
3. What if your tribe didn’t have to be other moms?
My closest friend and confidant is not yet a mother. She is always there for me, let’s me talk about my kids as much as I want, and loves them as her own. Have you ever considered that your tribe may not be all mothers? I’m sure you have friends who haven’t had kids or don’t want kids who you can form a meaningful friendship with.
4. Find adult conversation through other ways.
This may sound silly, but various podcasts and Netflix episodes provide me with the adult conversation I long for throughout the day. I listen to the same weekly podcasts and watch consecutive seasons of shows that remind me there is more out there than kids sing alongs and Mickey Mouse Club.
Don’t give up on finding your mom tribe. Until then, implement the tips above and let us know how it goes!