Dear Mama Wishing For Baby Number Two,
You’ve had your first little one and all the excitement a new life brings! Maybe her journey into your family was as easy as the breeze, or maybe you fought hard to bring him into this world like the warrior mama you are. But when all is said and done, when people see you now, they don’t see the waiting or long preparation before pregnancy. Those days are erased from everyone’s minds but yours because now you’re a mama.
Then one day you decide you’re ready for baby number two. You believe that the little pink lines will magically appear and you can begin counting down the days until your due date. But then several months of negative pregnancy tests later, you realize baby number two is not so easy. You need time to grieve over each negative test, but, this time, you have a little one to take care of, so the tears over a carton of ice cream will have to wait. You’re keeping track of your menstrual cycle like you used to count calories.You’ve read every “how to get pregnant” advice as if you’re studying hard for a final exam, and you’re doing all the right things. Jealousy creeps in with each pregnancy announcement posted on social media — the bitterness is heavy.
The roller coaster of emotions, while you wait for baby number two, is not easily understood. You tend to battle this alone because no one will feel sorry for you. You already have a child of your own after all. It’s not fair to be hurting, right?
The doctors may be telling you not to stress out because having your first child means “there aren’t any issues with your fertility.” Your friends tell you to appreciate what you already have — a healthy and happy child! But it’s not enough. It wasn’t part of your plan to have an only child. Sure, that works for some, but you wanted to watch the relationships between your children grow as they explored and learned together. You wanted to give your child a partner in crime and teammate for life! But for some reason, your body is not agreeing with your heart.
Well, mama, if I could make your wish come true, I would do it in a heartbeat. But since I can’t, I want you to know you are seen. Your longing for a second child is nothing to be ashamed of. It doesn’t mean you don’t cherish your first baby, and it doesn’t mean you are ungrateful. It simply means you have prepared your heart to love another and thought that a second baby was as easy as simply making a decision, but instead, it’s now turned into only a hope.
And I hope with you!
I hope that you find support through this journey that often feels lonely. Don’t emotionally isolate yourself, because you deserve encouragement and comfort, and you are NOT alone. I hope you don’t allow yourself to feel guilty about your desires because every desire has value and worth. I hope the blank space you feel within your family is soon filled with a squishy and soft little miracle that steals a piece of your heart. But ultimately, I hope that no matter what happens, you find joy again. Maybe not right away, but someday.
The roller coaster ride of emotions doesn’t define you. You can mourn and grieve, but don’t forget to come back looking for joy again at the end of the day. You can experience both joy and grief simultaneously, so don’t let your despair squelch your inner light.
Somehow, find your way off the cycle of bitterness, and surrender to the joy.
You deserve that.