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Inspirational

AutismFamilyInspirationalMotherhoodSpecial Needs

What It’s Like To Be A Parent To A Special Needs Child

by Modi Ramos
written by Modi Ramos

When you become a parent, you don’t sit around wondering if your child will have special needs. As your belly grows, you wonder if your baby will look like mommy or daddy, what their disposition will be like, and other things that stay along the line of all positive.

But when you become a parent to a special needs child, everything changes instantly. It takes time to realize that nothing has truly changed, but that your life and their life will need some necessary adjustments made to accommodate them. If anything, your love for them runs deeper. You feel as if you are the person who was put on this earth to give them their best life possible regardless of the hurdles that have been thrown their way. You are suddenly their fierce protector, willing to go above and beyond at all costs. You sacrifice yourself, and you don’t ask for anything in return. Above all, you make it your mission to shield them from the unkind ways of the world.

My little tribe of kids

Whether you know your child has special needs from pregnancy, shortly after birth, or possibly even years into their life, there are many common hardships that parents to a special needs child will face.

Here are the ones that I’ve found most prevalent in my own life when dealing with my two special needs children…

You emotions will overcome you sometimes

Just the other day, Facebook reminded me of a memory of my son who is nonverbal and high on the Autism spectrum. I was sitting in the waiting room of a doctor’s office, alone, anxiously waiting to see a doctor about my chronic sinus infection. I lost it. How dare you, Facebook? Don’t you know now is not the time?! (It was and is a beautiful photo; I’ve included it for you below.) But why was I so upset? Because it was an image of my son pre-diagnosis. I stared at the photo long and hard. Tears welled up from my gut, dripping down my face in salty, angry exclamations across my flushed cheeks. This is not a photo of a child living with Autism, I told myself. But it was. You do not become autistic. It is something you are born with. And if you want to get into the vaccine debate then save it, unless you’ve experienced what it’s like to have a child on the spectrum, how dare you judge or put your two cents on someone whose entire life has been flipped upside down.

My son at 6 months of age.

Regardless of this, I was angry. And mainly angry at myself. I’d pushed away memories of my son from before his official diagnosis at just shy of two years of age. Why? Because it hurt too much to think about. In that moment, I realized that I am probably not the only mom to a special needs child that feels this way. We spend so much time advocating for our children that we forget all the beauty and precious moments we’ve shared with them in our duty as their mother. Don’t forget all those beautiful memories. And if anything, remind yourself of them. They are a part of their journey, and each step is special and should be cherished and preserved. A good ugly cry never hurt anyone anyway. 

me with my son at a baseball game, he did great with the noise this time!

You will put yourself on the back burner, like a lot a lot

I often joke with my husband that I look like a mommy makeover before photo. To be honest, there are days when I can’t remember if I’ve showered. (Thankfully my husband treats me no different either way!) But as the mother to a special needs child, I’ve consistently been forced to put myself on the back burner to make the time or do the things that I need to do for my child. Many moms to kids who do not live with medical conditions can relate to this as well. But for myself, there are times when I am even impressed at the things I’m able to do off little sleep, lots of coffee, and the little imaginary cheerleader in my mind that tells me “you got this, lady.”

My wonderful family who make my life complete.

People will piss you off with their unsolicited opinions

I am the kind of person that will never disguise who I am or look to impress people hoping that they’ll like me. What you see is what you get, sorry. Regardless of this, people will always feel the need to throw in their two cents about what you should do/not do, etc. I find this happens most often with people who do not have special needs kids of their own and feel the need to imprint their infinite wisdom onto me. My daughter has ADHD as a result of a rare genetic condition, and people will often feel the need to share their two cents about her being on medication for school. Putting her on medication was not an easy process for me mentally, but after seeing her struggle with her grades and focusing in school for an entire year, I finally caved. And now? Well, she’s one of the brightest students in her class. As far as Autism goes, I can’t go anywhere without someone telling me something “they heard on blah blah blah” or “you know, you should try XYZ” or worse, “I think my kid ‘had’ that/has a ‘touch’ of that.” Really, the list gets stupider and more offensive. I’ve learned over the years to brush these things off. But at first, even being the tough chick that I like to think that I am, this was very trying for my sanity and patience.

My two daughters, Violet and Daisy

Your “normal” kids will sometimes feel left out

My oldest child is as healthy as can be, and came right out of the womb ready to take on the world. For her, she’s been subjected to countless doctor’s visits, evaluations, and meetings—and not to brag, but she’s never once complained. She is a great girl and I am grateful to have her in my life, even in the moments when she’s sassy as hell and giving me a mouth full of back talk. She really loves her siblings, especially her “baby” brother. Kids are born with pure hearts. It is the world that shapes them and changes them. For my oldest child, she’s had to play second fiddle to her brother and sister more times than not because their needs are more demanding than hers. My husband and I equally understand that she needs to be made to feel “special” so we try our best to reserve one-on-one time for her when we can. I say that because once when explaining to her what special needs meant, she told me and her father that she wanted “to be special too.” Just hearing her say that with her little toddler voice broke my heart. So we do our part to make her feel special, just in a different way.

Me with my daughters

Each child is born unique, and so is their journey. While being a parent is hard, being the parent to a special needs child is even harder. Please, practice kindness. Don’t give out unsolicited opinions. If you know someone who has a child who is special needs, let them know that you are thinking of them from time to time. I promise that is enough to brighten their day and you never know just when they’ll need to hear that most. And if you yourself are a parent to a special needs child, know that you’re the best mother for them and even if they aren’t able to say it, know that in their hearts and in their minds, you are their entire world.

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InspirationalKidsLittle KidMotherhoodPre-TeenTeenager

3 Things Parents Must Tell Their Children When They Take Up A Musical Instrument

by Guest Contributor
written by Guest Contributor

All parents of musical children secretly twiddle their thumbs in hope they’ll become proud parents of a prodigy musician, playing in some well-respected conservatory. Of course, most of the parents end up with well-educated, strong-willed and in all ways promising children, but the expectations sometimes overpower reason and not rarely do we encounter young players frustrated and pressured to become something they’re not. This is why it is very important teaching fun, but also realistic and more serious sides of playing a musical instrument.

In the world of brutal competing and the survival of the fittest, it’s hard sometimes standing aside and letting things take their natural course, but for the sake of our children gaining healthy and positive associations to music, every parent must think twice when advising their kids once they’ve taken the road of music playing.

IT’S NOT ALWAYS GOING TO BE FUN AND GAMES

Children should learn to play music regardless of their talent and chances for professional success, since it brings amazing advantages to building healthy habits, improving social skills and self-esteem, boosting cognitive ability and much more. In fact, learning to play an instrument in any case requires a lot of dedication, regular practice, discipline and patience. These soft skills are valuable for building strong and independent personalities, but children being children have a hard time understanding this on their own.

It’s fun to learn new music. It’s fun to play in a group. It’s fun to perform and get standing ovations from an audience. But until it gets this fun and effortless, a lot of hard work and persistence need to be applied. Children are usually impulsive by nature and act in accordance with what they feel and experience at the moment. If your child likes their instrument and doesn’t really like to practice – you are in good company! It doesn’t mean they don’t want to play their instrument. Practice is a discipline that students learn little by little, by trial and error, and with feedback from their teacher. It’s a skill to be developed regardless of playing itself.

Explain to your child that even though it may seem hard and complicated in the beginning, in time they’ll be able to see the results of their hard work and gain a sense of achievement. Help your kid by staying determined and undoubtful about their practicing routine and soon they’ll get used to the tempo and feel the need to do it on their own. Make sure not to strain your child if you notice that the problem is not mere childish impatience, but real aversion to playing.  You have a chance to help your child understand and visualize the fruits of their hard work in the future and that it all eventually pays off.

FAILURE IS INEVITABLE AND IT TEACHES YOU VALUABLE LESSONS

With every long-term goal, a lot of work and motivation is required. With every true work, failure is a must and everyone experiences it from time to time. It’s very important letting your child understand that failure can be a good thing if it’s embraced and reexamined. The only way one can learn is through making mistakes and understanding what’s been done wrong. Nobody is perfect and should not strive to be. Telling your little instrument player that they’ll struggle sometimes and that it’s perfectly fine will make them more motivated, single-minded and feel supported in their journey.

There are no red pen marks for missed notes in music the way there are on tests — there is nothing to feel bad about when you play something “wrong” in music.  To become skilled at a musical instrument one needs to know what it’s like to sound off key.  They need to sound bad before they sound good; they need to work on things just beyond what they are capable of in order to get better and smarter, and that means they need to make mistakes.

HARD WORK BEATS TALENT EVERY TIME

With playing an instrument, as in other areas of life, there’s always going to be someone more talented, more naturally predisposed who’ll go through the process much faster and more effortlessly than your child. This, by all means, doesn’t mean that your kid is not cut for it or that it should be discouraged. In fact, this disadvantage may turn into a positive commitment, a driving force to fight the odds and excel.

Practicing a skill over and over, the right way, fires circuits in our brains that solidify that skill.  Sure, some people find some skills easier at first than others, but the people who practice that skill daily in order to carve it into their brain will always far surpass people who don’t practice enough.  Practicing a musical instrument helps children learn the universal truth that hard work trumps talent.

When feeling down and discouraged, tell your child that success depends on the amount of invested work. This will be a valuable life lesson in general. Furthermore, it’s useful to zone out and don’t think about other people’s performance at all. Playing for the sake of your own pleasure and sense of accomplishment will teach your  child to appreciate their work even more and enjoy it regardless of how they would be ranked or judged.

There are not many subjects taught in school that have the potential to give our children the life skills they need to be successful beyond their school lives. We as parents are obliged to guide them through misfortunes and help them learn as much as they can from what life throws at them. Our children can learn how to have grit, motivation, problem-solving skills, flexibility, and character by tackling the obstacles and challenges music playing inevitably carries.

About the Author

Simon Dupree has discovered he has a passion for music from a very young age. Ever since then, music has been an essential part of his life. When he is not practicing, he’s probably behind the keyboard writing for Music Groupies.

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Inspirational

Packed Kits Are The Perfect Way To Show A Friend With Cancer How Much You Care

by Amber King
written by Amber King

There are few things more devastating in life than a cancer diagnosis. That “c” word is powerful enough to topple buildings, break down walls, and irrevocably alter lives. No matter the outcome—whether that coveted remission is achieved or remains an elusive dream—the journey is laced with challenges and obstacles no one ever expects to deal with. For the Speier family from Southern California, a cancer diagnosis changed everything. It also inspired and encouraged. Now 3.5 years past an initial diagnosis and just over two years since a family lost a husband and father, Angelina Speier is using her experience to help others. She and her husband created a company called Packed Kits, and their journey is impacting lives and helping people face the unthinkable.

When Angel was 12 years old at church camp, she met a boy named Kevin Speier. The two became fast friends and eventual pen pals. The teenaged Kevin even kept all the letters Angel sent him. Years later, they had a surprise reunion in San Diego, and as Angel puts it, “The rest was history.” The longtime lovers married, had a son, and then a daughter. Their love story was going as planned, until it wasn’t. Kevin was diagnosed with stage 4 squamous cell carcinoma of the tongue in 2015. The “c” word invaded their lives, and the family’s “normal” drastically changed.

We took a small break from social media, but we are back with a vengeance! Here to kick cancers ass one kit at a time….

Posted by Packed Kits on Friday, June 23, 2017

Surgery, radiation, chemo, and emergency hospital trips took over. What many people don’t realize is that every cancer diagnosis requires a complete shift in thinking and routine. You learn the ins and outs of hospital stays, how to feed yourself between busy days of doctors visits, how to pass time in waiting rooms, how to care for children even in the midst of the worst days, and so much more. Angel and Kevin had a loving support system of people asking, “What can we do to help?” There were gas cards, meal trains, flowers, and cards, but the best and most useful gift was something they never even knew they needed.

Angel’s sister researched how she could best help. She found products that were deemed necessities for anyone going through chemotherapy, and she collected it all into a convenient package. She sent it to her family to help make hospital stays and chemo treatments easier, and it quickly became a staple object for both Kevin and Angel. The “chemo kit,” as they called it, was always by the front door, always packed and ready to go. The simple concept of having everything in a convenient kit was exactly what they needed to dampen the chaos the cancer diagnosis had caused.

Why not fill our bag with all the essentials for Chemo ? Better yet, let us do that for you! We've Packed it all! …

Posted by Packed Kits on Tuesday, July 18, 2017

According to Angel, the thought that other people would also benefit from a prepacked cancer kit was an idea that “fell from the sky and hit me, like Chicken Little when a piece of the sky falls.” The same night she had the idea, she and Kevin started developing what is now Packed Kits, a company that makes kits of everything patients and their families need to get through the chaos of a cancer diagnosis. Five months of planning later, the company launched, and they’ve been growing ever since. Angel told Life As Mama,

“We are practical, real people.  We don’t sugar coat, we like nice things, we are sarcastic, and we have been through hell and back… and then back to hell… and then back … and then back and forth.  It’s a funny thing when you realize you aren’t the only one going through this…  and so we thought,  ‘Why the hell not give a gift someone will actually use?’ Something that we loved and needed? And why not make it funny and real and cool all at the same time? And ya, let’s do it so we answer the questions, ‘What can I do?”‘

Took the day off to go to the zoo! #headandneckcancer #bestgiftever #packedkits #cancersucks #chemo #fuckcancer #santabarbara #santabarbarazoo #cure

Posted by Packed Kits on Sunday, August 28, 2016

Each item included in a Packed Kit is specifically chosen to help someone either stay comfortable during or after a treatment, keep them occupied during long wait times, or make simple things like sleeping or showering a little easier. The Packed Chemo Kit includes warm socks, gloves, a beanie, water bottle, first-aid kit, lip balm, lotion, mints, and a whole lot more. Each item comes with a label explaining exactly why that specific product is included in the kit. Besides the big Packed Chemo Kit, the company has also expanded to include other products, like the Kick Cancer’s Booty! kit made just for kids. 

In addition to providing products that help families battle cancer, Packed Kits also donates a portion of their profits to important organizations that played a role in Kevin and Angel’s personal journey through cancer. When asked how she chooses which organizations to donate to, Angel said,

“We have actually changed a little this past year.  We realized that our small dollars don’t make as big of a dent in some of the bigger charities… yet… so we thought smaller. Find organizations that were just like us, grass-roots and local. The Santa Barbara community helped us more than anyone could ever know. So we keep it small and local now.”

Posted by Packed Kits on Friday, August 5, 2016

Packed Kits currently donates to Organic Soup Kitchen, which donated over 100,000 meals last year to cancer patients, as well as Gals Give Back, and the Santa Barbara City College Nursing Program from which Kevin graduated. Angel also said,

“Our goal, as we grow, is to create a portion of our company that funds a family who loses the bread-winner of their family. It was one of those things that hits home for me. We would be on the streets if we didn’t have the support that we did, and I know that we were lucky and blessed for that.”

After an intense 16-month-battle, Kevin passed away on February 15, 2017. His family is inspired by his journey, and they’re focused on helping others through Packed Kits. If a loved one was recently diagnosed with cancer and you find yourself asking the question, “What can I do to help?” a Packed Kit could be your answer. Visit their website to learn more about their story and view their products.

In the words of Angel, “Peace, love, and f*ck cancer.”

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Inspirational

How The Power Of Saying No Can Change Your Life

by Modi Ramos
written by Modi Ramos

If you met me in person and I told you I once had trouble saying no to people, you probably wouldn’t believe me. Sure, I’m heavily tattooed, and I look like I have an aura of sass around my naturally blonde head. But long ago, I was the pushover people-pleaser type. I was the little girl who would bend over backward to hopefully get the approval of others. But you know what? It didn’t work.

Pleasing others before you try to please yourself is a recipe for disaster. And you know what comes first when it comes to people-pleasing and pushover-ism? Saying “yes” to something when you really, really just wanted to say no. And not only this, but by saying “yes” too often, you over-commit yourself and drain precious energy with things that ultimately don’t matter or won’t fulfill you.

Here are 4 important ways the power of saying no will change your life.

More Me Time

When you learn the power of saying no, and use it sparingly as a useful weapon to achieve a greater purpose, you’ll have more time to do things for you. Putting your needs on the back burner for too long can lead to a complete breakdown (hands up, I know you’ve been there, too!), and it’s excruciatingly detrimental to your psyche.

Learn when to say “yes” to something where your presence will be accepted and valued, and decline offers in which you really won’t gain anything from being there. Experiences should be quality and not quantity, and when you learn to decline engagements that you know you would have dreaded going to anyway, you’ll feel ultimately rewarded by personal growth and gain.

No, That’s Not For Me

I am not the kind of person to diss anyone’s likes and interests. In the wise words of Kacey Musgraves, “You can’t be everybody’s cup of tea.” I think I am not the first mom who has gotten an awkward invite via social media or a text from a “friend” hoping to invite me to their MLM essential oils/skin care/business endeavor party. No.Thank.You. I do not feel the need to “help” these people who I hardly hear from, and nor should you!

If something isn’t up your alley, there’s no reason to feel strangely guilty or obligated to commit to something that simply isn’t you. Serving their purpose will sacrifice your own purpose, and the power of saying no will go a long way with this one. This also applies to opportunities where you don’t feel comfortable and outings that don’t coincide with your beliefs/personal interests.

No, I Cannot Help You–Yet Again

We all know these types of people. The people who only ring you whenever they want or need something. It’s never just to see how you’re doing/feeling/etc. For myself, my time is very precious and extremely limited for others. I say this because I work full-time, and I have two special needs children. I am not a self-righteous jerk, I just don’t have the time to bend over backward for people who only want me when they want something.

At first, these people may do this every so often, but when it becomes a habit (and trust me, it will) you must either: A. cut the cord entirely, or B. establish clear boundaries that adhere to your time restrictions/schedule. For example, “Yes, I can help you out. I am free either Tuesday or Thursday to do so.” Do not allow them to sucker you in at a time and day that works best for them. They are soliciting you for help because they need it, the ball is in your court here. Establishing boundaries and rules helps you to value yourself first and foremost.

No, I Will Not Surrender My Precious Energy And Mental Clarity To An “Energy Vampire”

Ah, the energy vampire. If you’ve never heard this term before, please feel free to steal it and use it as your own. It’s ultimately the best term for these people (and my lovely sister-in-law came up with it so she gets all the credit here!). These are the types of people in your life whose universe only revolves around them. Something is always “wrong,” they’re always having yet another “bad day,” and their conversations suck the life out of you.

Not sure if you have one of these people in your life? Well, is there a person that will call you, and when you see their name on your phone, you hesitate to answer because you “just can’t” right now? Ding, ding–that’s the energy vampire in your life. I have a few of these, and we’re related, so it’s not like I can ghost on them for eternity. But I’ve learned to set boundaries so I don’t get sucked into these aurus of energy suckdom. Reason being? One call or text session with them can suck your pleasant mood away, drain your energy, or even throw an ugly wrench into your entire day. If you must maintain communication with the energy vampire(s) in your life, do so on your terms.

“Where negativity is an ongoing attitude, No is a moment of clear choice.”

A simple suggestion that I recommend is to only talk to these people when you have time. Simply respond with, “I will call you back later, I’m busy at the moment.” This will satisfy their mind by letting them know that you have acknowledged them but also place importance on the fact that you are busy, and now is not a good time.

I am by no means an expert or a psychologist, and all of these points and suggestions are simply my own methods that have proven effective for taking my life back on my terms with the power of saying no. However, there is a powerful science behind the power of saying no and applying it to your everyday life. I was fortunate to discover this a few years ago and made it a New Year’s resolution. I decided to stick to it, and I’ve felt a sense of self-empowerment and personal gain ever since.

Rest-assured, if you are proactive about taking these suggestions into your own life, they can do the same for you. It might ruffle a few feathers and turn a few heads when you first start flexing those “no’s”, but you’ll feel great once you start to value your time, yourself, and your precious energy. 

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give back to your community
Inspirational

7 Simple Ways to Give Back to Your Community This Summer

by Guest Post
written by Guest Post

Summertime is finally here, and that means it’s time for beach trips, camping, picnics and spending afternoons at the community park. It’s also a fantastic time to figure out how you can give back to your community. Bringing your kids along during their summer vacation is a fun and easy way to introduce them to the concept of volunteering and show them an exciting way to contribute to their community. If you’re not sure where to start, here are a few tips, tricks and ideas to help get the ball rolling.

1. Coach a Team

If your child loves to play sports, why not start volunteering by coaching your local youth sports team? In most cases, it’s on a volunteer basis, but sports teams always need coaches and volunteers to organize the players and make sure everyone is following the rules. If you have older children, bring them along to coach younger teams. If you don’t have a sports team in your area for the age bracket you need, consider taking steps to start one.

2. Visit the Elderly

Currently in the United States, there are more than 28,000 assisted living facilities, and many of the people who live in them don’t have family to visit them or spend time with them. Check with your local assisted living facilities to see what their rules are for volunteer visits. Most are more than happy to have visitors of all ages, as long as they behave well, to talk, play board games or read stories with the residents.

3. Work in a Soup Kitchen

Upwards of 49 million people don’t get enough to eat every day, according to USDA statistics. Most cities offer food for those without food security in the form of food banks or soup kitchens, but these resources are all volunteer-run. If you really want to give back to your community this summer, look into volunteering at one of these locations, donating food or both. There are always soup kitchens that can use some help, whether that help comes in time, money, food donations or some other form.

4. Build a Playground

Now, unless you run a construction company, chances are you won’t be doing the building yourself — but if you don’t have a playground or safe place to play in your area, taking some steps to build one can be a satisfying way to contribute. You’ll need to talk to people in the neighborhood, including businesses, to see if a playground is a good idea and would be beneficial to your area. You will also need to talk to city planners and councilmembers to obtain all the necessary permits before you can even break ground. However, it’s worth doing the legwork, as a playground can be a valuable asset to any neighborhood.

5. Visit a Hospital

Just like with assisted living facilities, there may be many long-term patients at your local hospital that could benefit from a visit. This volunteer opportunity may only be open to older children, depending on the rules of the facility, but in most cases, hospitals are happy to have people who are willing to spend time with their patients. Check with your local hospital to find out what their rules are for volunteering.

6. Volunteer at a Nonprofit

Plenty of places in your area, like museums and art galleries, are always in need of volunteers to lead tours and teach visitors about the exhibits. While some of these positions may require special training, many of them just need someone who is willing to offer their time and learn about the exhibits. In addition to being an excellent way to volunteer this summer, you might end up learning something new!

7. Serve on a Board

Running for public office might be a bit too much for a summer job — it tends to be an entire career — but you can volunteer by serving on a community board. Let your elected officials know what you think and maybe make a difference in your community by volunteering, especially if you have administrative or executive talents. Many boards are at a distinct disadvantage because they are nonprofit and don’t often have the funds to attract the best talent. Volunteering for them can be a gratifying way to help your community.

You don’t have to skip your beach or vacation plans this summer. Just plan in some time to volunteer in your community in between all your summer vacation fun. You might learn something new, and it can be a great way to contribute to your community and do a little bit of good until school starts again in the fall. Bring the kids along!  It’s the perfect opportunity to teach them how important it is to volunteer, and they may have some fun along the way.

 

Author Bio

Jennifer Landis is a 29-year-old healthy living blogger who loves yoga, running, and dancing it out with her toddler! You can find more from Jennifer at her blog, Mindfulness Mama, or by following her on Twitter: @jenniferelandis.

 

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7 Simple Ways to Give Back to Your Community This Summer

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lonely mom
Inspirational

To the Lonely Mom: It Gets Better

by Karly Wood
written by Karly Wood

I’m a naturally quiet person––content being alone, reading a book in public, going places solo. And it’s worked well for me for most of my life, being the confident person that I am. So you can imagine the shock when I became a mother, never to be left alone ever again, only to wind up feeling the dreaded L word––lonely.

lonely mom

It always seemed easier for everyone else to have mom friends. I’d show up to the playground or park, and clusters of moms would already be there. Being on the quieter side, I never felt comfortable injecting myself into the conversation, and my attentions were always drawn to making sure my toddler didn’t fall off the play structure and break something.

Being a mom is hard. It’s lonely, and it’s draining and it’s frustrating. The younger years are the hardest, which I can say now that I’m on the verge of sending my 5-year-old off to kindergarten. It gets better, and here’s why.

 

The longer you’re a mom, the more opportunities you have to gain friends, but you have to work for it.

That’s what makes the early years of being a mom so hard––you are barely holding on to what it means to be a parent, much less make new friends. Your baby (and then young toddler) can make it super difficult for outings, and meltdowns end play dates, stat. You don’t have a ton of time under your belt to meet friends in a variety of situations. And frankly, it’s just too exhausting.

If you’re a naturally shy person, this could be where it gets difficult. I personally, am comfortable being alone for most of the time so I have to force myself to get out of the house. Trust me–– this will also change the older your child gets because newsflash, they are going to start driving you crazy and you’ll NEED to get out. In the meantime, get creative with hooking up with moms in the same stage of life as you.

Join Gymboree, MOPS, a Bible study, go play in the neighborhood. Get outside. Go to playdates when you don’t want and text the friend you say you’re too tired to hang out with. Even if you only meet up with moms once a month, you will start to develop friendships that turn into more.

Every year that passes, you have another layer of friends that add up to more mama pals that meet so many different needs. You’ll end up with school friends, spiritual friends, moms night out friends, sports friends and gym friends.

Before you even realize, you’ll be dropping your kiddos off at school and be running into T-Ball moms. You’ll be out at the grocery store and see neighbors there, too. Trips to the gym means you could run into a friend from MOPS or just a friend you’ve made from always sweating it out next to the same mama every week. As a person who naturally had few friends, no one was more shocked than I was to find myself in the midst of an amazing tribe of mothers.

I’m now that mom who knows someone almost everywhere I go, despite being the mom who once looked on from the sidelines.

Am I now a social butterfly? No, not really. I’m still the same person who tends to crave being alone more than surrounding myself with people. Every day, I have to find the motivation to reach out to someone, to get a connection that I sometimes don’t even know I needed.

But I know one thing: if I can do it, so can you.

 

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To the Lonely Mom: It Gets Better

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nap
Inspirational

The Power Of A Nap- A Special Post From Lisa Loeb

by Guest Post
written by Guest Post

You have to nap!  Have you found yourself wondering if you might fall asleep driving or making a sandwich? Have you looked back and wondered why you stayed up to read one more blog or watch a show you really didn’t have the time to watch?  Have you whittled your nighttime sleep down with late night books and TV shows?  Then take a nap!

nap

When I find myself thinking I need coffee, I’ve actually found that a nap works even better, sometimes followed by a half cup or a sample cup at Trader Joe’s.

You may need a few supplies. So, get your napping tools together; you can even take them in your car and take a nap there.

1)  Buy ear plugs- I like Mack’s silicone earplugs best- they can knock out almost any noise.

2) Say yes to an alarm clock, but do remember to turn your phone off while you nap.

3) Tell anyone around you if you’re at home or near others that you’re napping and for how long.  Even grabbing just 25 minutes can help. Even a “grandpa nap” (which is what I call a 10 minute nap where you just fall asleep and then snort loudly, wake yourself up and sit up refreshed) is good.

4) Find something to put over your eyes: a sweater, a T-shirt, a random cloth in your car.  The weight and the darkness really helps with the sleep

5) Use a small pillow or wadded up jacket, backpack, something soft that can make your sleep position in your bed, a random couch somewhere, or your car.

6) Music can help … but make sure it’s not too rousing.

It’s really amazing how you can feel after the perfect nap, and you’ll be more present for yourself, your thoughts, the exercise that you want to do, your kids and your partner, your colleagues, the Trader Joe’s representative manning the samples area, pretty much anyone you come into contact with. You’ll look better, feel better, and that’s a good thing.

Lisa Loeb is a Grammy nominated singer-songwriter and touring performer, an author and a philanthropist, plus mom to two young children. She’s based in Los Angeles. Her newest album on Amazon comes out this month: Lullaby Girl.  Visit www.lisaloeb.com for more information.

Author Bio

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Lisa Loeb is a touring artist, author and philanthropist who started her career with the platinum-selling Number 1 hit song “Stay (I Missed You)” from the film Reality Bites. A trailblazing independent artist, Lisa was the first pop musician to have a Number 1 single while not signed to a recording contract. She followed that remarkable feat with the hit singles “Do You Sleep,” “I Do” and “Let’s Forget about It ” and the albums Cake and Pie and No Fairy Tale. Her albums Tails and Firecracker were both certified Gold.

Lisa continues to craft irresistible pop songs for the 21st century, while designing Lisa Loeb Eyewear, writing children’s books, and supporting non-profit causes. The Los Angeles based mother of two is well known to parents and kids for her albums Catch the Moon (with Elizabeth Mitchell) and Camp Lisa (with sales benefiting the Camp Lisa Foundation). She published her second picture book-CD for Sterling Children’s Books:  Lisa Loeb’s Songs for Movin’ and Shakin’, in 2013. Her song “Disappointing Pancake” became a hit in concert and on SiriusXM Satellite Radio. Lisa recently collaborated to co-write the children’s musical “Camp Kappawanna,” which debuted at New York City’s Atlantic Theater Company. Recognizing her work to help kids get to summer camp, the American Camp Association, New England named Lisa Loeb as their 2015 Camp Champions Honoree with a gala celebration at Fenway Park.

Lisa Loeb views the world through her iconic cat-eyed glasses. As touring performer and entrepreneur, Lisa redefines how women accessorize with her Lisa Loeb Eyewear, with a variety of styles available at Costco and select optical shops around the United States.

Lisa’s recent film and television appearances include John Oliver’s “Last Week Tonight,” “About a Boy,” “Hot Tub Time Machine 2,” “King of The Nerds,” and Sprout Channel’s “Sunny Side Up Show.” Her song “321 Let Go” is featured in the 2015 motion picture Helicopter Mom, which stars Nia Vardalos (and in which Lisa makes an appearance in the role of a teacher). Lisa’s fourth children’s album, Nursery Rhyme Parade! is an Amazon Music/Amazon Prime exclusive release in October 2015; a 30-minute video special featuring Lisa performing these classic songs and rhymes is also available for streaming on Amazon Music Unlimited and Amazon Prime. Her 2016 family album with Amazon, Feel What U Feel won rave reviews and awards.  She provides voice talent for two Amazon Originals animated series: Creative Galaxy and If You Give a Mouse a Cookie (for which she also composed original songs), and in fall 2017, her songs will appear on a new soundtrack album for If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. On October 6, 2017, Lisa will release her third album with Amazon, Lullaby Girl.

Lisa’s 2017 North America concerts included a two-week residency at the legendary Carlyle Hotel in New York. Lisa is an avid crossword puzzler. With the help of puzzle pros Will Shortz and Doug Peterson, Lisa created a crossword to help celebrate the 75th anniversary of New York Times crossword puzzles, which was published in June 2017.

Visit LisaLoeb.com for more information and tour updates.

 

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habits of a successful mom
FamilyInspirational

7 Healthy Habits Of A Successful Mom

by Karly Wood
written by Karly Wood

If there’s one thing I’m good at in life, it’s habits.

Waking up at the same time every day, tending to eat the same thing most days, and generally feeling comfortable having a routine that I stick to are things that make my world go round. I’m not a big fan of change and I love tradition. I only wish I could say that all my habits are good ones! Just because I wake up at the same time every day, doesn’t mean I’m well-rested. I am constantly trying to turn all my habits towards the good, even it takes a few tries to make it happen.

But despite not being perfect at the nature of my habits, I still see their value, especially when it comes to this whole motherhood thing. I am by no means claiming that I am the world’s best mom, but I’ve definitely learned the things that make life easier in the 4 years since becoming a parent. I’d love to share some of my healthy habits of a successful mom in hopes of helping another mama out there, so keep reading!

habits of a successful mom

1. Find Your Tribe

We’ve all heard the various saying about how it “takes a village” to raise a child and I’m sure on some level we all KNOW that deep down. But in the throes of motherhood, we often feel alone on a day to day basis. Sometimes we don’t feel like making an effort to get out of the house for a playdate, or become part of a moms group to find new friends. It’s exhausting. But as moms (and WOMEN), we NEED each other. Even if we aren’t talking overtly about mom things, we need that camaraderie, and just the presence that someone else knows what we are going through and that they care. Find your mom tribe- whether it’s your neighbors, Bible study group, moms club or preschool mom friends and cling to them!

If you are in between tribes, or just now sure how to find one, we recommend checking out our piece on Surviving Motherhood Without A Tribe!

2. Take Time For You

Now that we’ve just told you to find friends and spend time with them, it’s just as important to acknowledge that you need YOU time as well. This is single handedly the hardest habit for me as a mom to a young child. I often feel guilty for needing time away- as if it’s a reflection of my daughter driving me crazy. While that is definitely true at times, it’s not about her, it’s about ME! I’m still a woman, not just a mom. I need personal time to do things that I enjoy just like I did before she came along. I still have interests, passions and friends that I would like to spend time with and that don’t involve playdates. Plan a night out with friends, take an hour at the coffee shop to read, or just leave the kids at home and run errands by yourself in peace and quiet. It doesn’t have to be an expensive trip to the spa to be enough to recharge your batteries.

3. Exercise

I often come across lists like this one on how to be the best mom you can be and I’m surprised how many of them don’t involve this habit of exercising. For me, exercise is a MUST. It’s not just about burning off steam from a frustrating afternoon with a 4-year old. It’s about doing something that is for me, releasing endorphins, and just getting a good sweat going. It’s good for your body, but it’s also good for your mind. Take up yoga, running or just some time on the elliptical. Lift weights, follow a workout video or play outside with your kids. You will be amazed how much more patient you are with your kids, and how much better you sleep at night when you exercise.

4. Just Say No

We often get caught up in the whirlwind of pleasing our children that can often lead to over commitment- too many parties, playdates or activities. All the hustling can lead to feelings of stress, overwhelm and in layman’s terms- hating life. I know when we have too much going on, I’m really not enjoying my role as a mom at all. I’ve found that when it comes to being a successful mom, you have to say no. Your child doesn’t need to have a special activity planned every day. You don’t need to have back to back days of volunteer work, regular work and weekend commitments. Choose your activities wisely and leave room for your kids to just be kids, and for you to enjoy life being their mom.

5. Schedule

There’s a reason moms everywhere rejoice when school resumes in the Fall- ROUTINE! We love the consistent schedule of school, afternoon homework, playtime, dinner, bath and bed. Schedules help us feel organized and we can better appreciate what we have to do, day in and day out. Even if you don’t have school-aged children yet, you can still benefit from developing a healthy habit of scheduling your day. If you stay at home, plan out your meals, activities in between, and even your errands (those totally count as activities when you have babies!). If your kids are in school, you can still schedule out pre and post-school times. You don’t have to be a slave to your schedule, but you can use it to your advantage to start feeling organized and happy.

6. Have FUN

Being a mom is FUN. But we often put that on the back burner to take care of less-fun things and that’s when being a parent feels like a chore or the worst job ever. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in taking care of things that I need to, like work, laundry and cooking dinner, that I forget how much fun it is to ride scooters with my daughter, or make a fairy garden, or eat pretend food. One of the best parts of being a mom is getting to be a kid again, but it’s one of the easiest thing to forget to do. Having fun is probably one of the best habits you can have as you strive to be a successful mom. If you have to schedule it in, who cares?

7. Give Yourself Grace

Successful moms give themselves grace, and sometimes every hour. You’re not always going to have a perfect day, filled with sunshine, laughter and unicorns. You won’t always get that workout in, avoid blowing up at your kids, or have fun. It’s OK! You can’t live your life as a mom in a constant state of guilt. Learn from your experience and then let the mistakes go. Lay in bed at night and scroll through your camera roll reflecting on the GOOD from the day, not where you were a less than perfect mom. Find beauty in the ways that you are less than perfect, and how your kids love you for that and the mom it has made you.

 

The truth is, there are many habits you can have and many definitions of what it means to be a “successful” mom. These are some of the things that make me feel like I’m doing the best job I can at being the mom my daughter needs. I’d love to hear some of your daily habits and how you define “successful!”

 

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working mom
Inspirational

What My Kids Have Learned From Seeing A Working Mom

by Amanda Foust
written by Amanda Foust

I grew up with a stay-at-home mom, and I loved it! In fact, when she TRIED to go to work, I threw a big enough fit that both the babysitter and my mother knew never to try it again. And they didn’t.

The attention, support, and close relationship I received from my mom I owe to her dedication in the home. You would think because of my great childhood experience I would choose to be a stay-at-home mom as well! But I didn’t.

You see, things have changed, and it’s nearly impossible for families to survive on one income. The cost of daycare drains the second income very fast — making it hardly worth it.

So as a working mom, I have been racked with guilt for not giving my children the childhood I received. But I have been on a journey to change my perspective and see that my children have learned a lot from seeing a working mom!

Here is a list of a few things:

1. Hard work

Money doesn’t grow on trees (although that would be nice)! We have to work hard to provide for our families or to live the life we desire! Hard work is an important lesson to teach children.

2. Organization

We have to balance our time as working moms in a different way than mothers who stay at home. Organizational skills doesn’t always come naturally, but it’s essential! Our children are watching us and will learn how to lead organized lives because of what they see.

3. Inspired to live their dreams

I am always encouraging my kids to dream and then to make those dreams happen! Well, some of us working moms are living our dreams, and our kids can be inspired as they watch us make our dreams come true! We can show them first hand that their dreams matter. For some kids, they will want to stay at home with their children, and that dream should be celebrated too!

4. Intentional quality time

Because our time is pulled in two directions, our family time is spent much more intentionally and the focus is on quality since quantity isn’t always an option.

Here is a post about the importance of being a present mother and ways to spend quality time together.

5. Priorities

Okay, so maybe I loved my mom staying home because I felt the center of her world along with my siblings! But I think it’s important for kids to learn that the world does NOT revolve around them. Growing up and seeing that the world didn’t care all that much about me was a hard lesson to learn. But now I am teaching my kids that they are loved beyond belief, but mommy’s goals and dreams are important too! It’s all about prioritizing them.

6. Equality

Sometimes I believe the guilt comes from being raised in a family where women stayed home, and the men provided. But I love that I get to teach my children that both their mommy and daddy get to do what they want. I LOVE working and being with them. Equality allows me to choose, and for that I am grateful!

Working moms…do you struggle with guilt? Tell us in the comments what you have taught your kids by being a working mom!

 

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mom tribe
Inspirational

How To Survive Motherhood Without A Tribe

by Amanda Foust
written by Amanda Foust

I’m all about mom tribes, but what happens when you don’t have one? There are chapters in life that keep you isolated or transitions that cause you to relocate and start over with friendships. Let’s face it…if we based our success as mothers on our surrounding mom tribes, there would be times we would set ourselves up for failure.

I’ve been a mom for a handful of years, and I LOVE people. My problem isn’t meeting people as much as it is that I require a lot of depth in my friendships. Sure, going out for coffee or a glass of wine is nice, but if there’s not meaningful conversation to go along with it, I probably wouldn’t make the time to do it again. You see, I need a break as much as the next mom, but I, personally, wouldn’t choose to spend my break in surface level conversations. Maybe it’s the expectations of the members of my tribe that keep me from finding the right additions.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with people who are okay with lack of depth! These friendships probably are WAY more fun! Moms who don’t require constant meaningful conversations are likely to find their tribe a lot sooner than people like me. But if you can relate to my expectations, how do you survive without your tribe?

1. What if your family became your tribe?

When your kids are young and you are in the early trenches of motherhood, sometimes you just need your family! Instead of looking for a way out, look inward! Look toward your spouse and even your kids! Let them morph into your tribe. You may even have extended family that can fill in the gaps where you wish you had friends! My grandma, mom, and sisters are some of my best friends and vital parts of my tribe!

2. Remember you’re not alone.

Sometimes it’s easy to feel like you are the only one lacking a tribe. But you aren’t! There are others seeing posts about the “mom posse” and how “it takes a village” and wishing they could find theirs! The key to finding your tribe is to not convince yourself that you are the only one without it!

3. What if your tribe didn’t have to be other moms?

My closest friend and confidant is not yet a mother. She is always there for me, let’s me talk about my kids as much as I want, and loves them as her own. Have you ever considered that your tribe may not be all mothers? I’m sure you have friends who haven’t had kids or don’t want kids who you can form a meaningful friendship with.

4. Find adult conversation through other ways.

This may sound silly, but various podcasts and Netflix episodes provide me with the adult conversation I long for throughout the day. I listen to the same weekly podcasts and watch consecutive seasons of shows that remind me there is more out there than kids sing alongs and Mickey Mouse Club.

Don’t give up on finding your mom tribe. Until then, implement the tips above and let us know how it goes!

 

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