We all learn to abide by rules from a young age. But when we become adults, we are “anti-rules” and think we all know best. But as a mama, sometimes I wish there were rules. It would create a kinder, safer, mom community to show up, be yourself, and know that who you are is enough. Well, I created 10 mom code rules I think we should all consider!
Here we go…
1. Don’t engage in mommy wars.
Mommy wars are a real thing. But let me tell you, no one ever really wins. You won’t find someone who agrees with every one of your parenting decisions — and that’s okay! Only YOU know what’s best for your child. Trust that.
The stress of nursing a baby can sometimes weigh heavily on a mama and giving her child a bottle is best for both her and baby. This is the same for moms who choose to work outside the home. There are many things that can start the flame of a mommy war, but know that the root of most wars is a lack of understanding. Ask questions and be open to other opinions.
2. Offer help when a mom is in need.
You have seen moms in need before. I’m talking about the mom who is juggling 2-3 littles while trying to calm one of them during a meltdown. Or the one who can barely get inside the doors of the grocery because as soon as she gets one inside of the cart, the other runs around to the other side of the van trying to play a game of hide-n-seek. There ARE boundaries to consider, but offer to help the other mom. Stand with her kids while she is chasing the other or trying to offer comfort. Better yet, ask if there is anything you can do! She will then be able to let you know what would truly help her in that situation and it shows that she’s not alone.
3. Don’t correct another child unless he is bringing harm to himself or another and the parent isn’t able to step-in.
I can’t tell you how many stories I have heard from other moms who have watched their children receive discipline from another mom on the sidelines. STOP IT! Unless the child is hurting himself or another, you don’t have a place to step in. You don’t know the child’s story and need to trust the mom to take care of her child how she deems appropriate, and don’t let it affect you so much.
4. Always offer a listening ear because you will probably need it one day too.
As moms, we do a lot of listening to our children, and sometimes we just don’t want to listen anymore. But do it anyway. Because we need each other. Isolation is one of the worst things moms can do for themselves and others.
5. Don’t close your tribe and make it impossible for another friend to join in.
I have been the outsider of mom groups and it hurts. I’m sure I’ve also made others feel left out unintentionally. Needless to say, mom tribes should have more of an open-door policy. Some of the best friendships I have today started unexpectedly, so be open to meeting new friends!
6. Be open-minded to parenting styles that are different from your own.
Believe it or not, you don’t know everything! If you did, there would be no room for growth! When interacting with other moms who have different parenting styles than you, be open-minded! There is always something to learn — even if it’s not a style you plan to implement in your own family.
7. View motherhood as a community — not a competition.
This goes along with some of the other rules. Keep in mind the importance of community and don’t make everything a competition. You are all in the trenches together. Here is a post about why I stopped competing in motherhood.
8. Don’t compare your children to others.
This isn’t good for anyone involved. Your children shouldn’t have to feel inferior to other children and parents shouldn’t ever be made to feel less than.
9. Moms can be friends even if their kids aren’t.
It’s always hard to watch moms force their kids to be friends. Some kids just don’t get along, and that’s okay! You don’t have to force friendships just so you can be friends with the other moms.
10. Kids behaviors aren’t always the reflection of their parents.
Sometimes kids can be jerks. They are human and aren’t perfect, but not all their behaviors should be considered a direct reflection of their parents. Moms deal with enough and shouldn’t have to carry the burden of all of their children’s negative behaviors.
What are we missing on this list? Tell us what you would add!
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