Motherhood

They say that children are the future. They have all the potential for success and prosperity, as long as they are given the right tools and means to succeed. If you want your child to succeed, you need to make sure that they realize their full potential. The question remains: How do you achieve this?

1.    Find affordable opportunities

Let’s face it, there are more than a few educational opportunities that cost a pretty penny. You want your child to get the highest quality of education, but some opportunities might be out of your reach. However, this shouldn’t be something that you let hold you back. There are countless options to get around financial limitations when it comes to education and sports.

The Australian government generally offers a wide variety of scholarship options that allow children to get the highest possible education that they require. It’s not just something that is available at the college level, either. There are even programs for high school scholarships. They can provide children and their families with the necessary resources and equipment that will allow the child to reach their full potential.

Not all of these options are advertised freely, which is why it’s important that you do your research and find these opportunities for your child.

2.    Recognize potential

Keep in mind that not every child will be a wunderkind. There are areas that they will excel at and areas where they might not. It’s important that you recognize talents early and focus your attention towards realizing their potential. Talents are only as good as the effort and resources that go into honing them.

You need to have an early start and see what your child understands and enjoys. It’s a tricky thing to look out for. Just because your child has a knack for painting at the age of five doesn’t mean they’ll turn out to be artistically inclined. Enrol them in a variety of sports and activities to see what they enjoy and how they adapt to different environments. Try to avoid pushing your own wishes on them and dictating where they should focus their strengths. It runs the risk of a negative reaction to something they might be good at.

Instead, do your best to carefully observe and note where their talents lie. Your child will naturally trend towards things they’re passionate about and good at. Show your support and encourage effort and dedication in every activity.

3.    Show appreciation and enthusiasm

Children look to adults for nearly everything you do. It’s where they learn most of their social skills and how they shape a big part of their personality. Your reactions will play a big part in how they perceive activities from an early age.

If you show your enthusiasm and support for the activities they try, this will only bolster their own enthusiasm. It’s a cycle of positive reinforcement that will benefit them in the long run. Even if it isn’t something particularly important or useful, make sure you at least match their enthusiasm. It will further motivate them to give it their all and succeed.

4.    Leave your expectations at the door

Every parent has some expectations for their child. It’s only natural that you see their potential and envision a certain level of success. However, this doesn’t mean that you should express your opinion or react negatively when your child doesn’t meet those expectations. Sometimes, there will be shortcomings even when they give their best. However, children are only people, and they aren’t perfect. This shouldn’t be cause for concern, because children tend to evolve in their interests and skills anyway.

If your expectations lead to a negative reaction, it might put your child under pressure later on. This will only lessen their enthusiasm and weaken their chances of excelling at their favourite activities.

5.    Let them fail

A lot of parents seek the very best for their child. They want them to have a perfect track record and every success imaginable. It can be heartbreaking to see your child fail and not achieve their goals. However, failure is a natural part of life and your kids need to learn this before growing up. As bad as certain failures might seem, they can be extremely good learning opportunities for children.

Parents tend to steer their child’s development towards success by influencing certain factors. Sometimes you might help them with their homework right before it’s due. A kind word to a soccer coach could influence whether or not they spend time on the bench. Many schools opt to give participation trophies to children to avoid negative reactions from their parents.

However, a fear of failure will only delay the inevitable. Your child is bound to fail at something that really matters to them and they have to know how to deal with failure. The most successful individuals are measured by their number of failures that paved the way to success. If your children learn this early on, they will be able to adapt to setbacks and learn from them.

6.    Encourage language skills

Some people learn for the sake of acquiring knowledge and to appreciate its inherent beauty. Others learn to get practical knowledge that will help them succeed later in life. People that seek both will lean towards learning a new language. The number of languages you know is one of the determining factors an individual’s success. Bilingual Australian individuals have more career and learning opportunities than individuals that only know one language. It’s an educational opportunity that allows better communication skills and networking connections.

It’s important for children to start learning a new language while they’re still young. The plasticity of children’s minds allows them to better absorb new languages and learn from native speakers. You need to make sure they start learning from a young age.

The choice of language is just as important. Not every language is equally useful. It depends on your location and connections. English is without a doubt the most important language to learn, especially for children. If they aren’t native speakers already, they should be encouraged to learn English for beginners at a young age. People all over the world use English to communicate, which is why it’s such an important language to learn.

7.    Celebrate success

Success is not something that should be treated lightly. If your child shows great dedication and effort and ends up succeeding at something, it’s important that you celebrate this. Positive reinforcement will mean a lot to them and show them that they have your support. Even if their achievement isn’t anything to write home about, you should still strive to make it seem like it is.

It’s important that you choose the right words when congratulating your child. Even if they aren’t aware of it, children quickly catch on to the language that you use. Instead of praising their success directly, try your best to emphasize the importance of effort and dedication. Praising success alone will make them want to succeed at any cost. Good work ethic and values are more important than success. Speaking of, even when they fail, it would be nice to still find the time to celebrate their effort. Such support can go a long way in overcoming the dread of failure.

Conclusion

The way you treat your children and their educational opportunities will play a big part in their development. As long as you know how to handle the most important aspects, such as the ones mentioned, your child is going to benefit greatly from your knowledge.

About the Author

Stella Ryne is an art historian, traveller, conscious consumer and a proud mother. When she is not trying to improve the things around her (and herself, for that matter), she likes to lose herself in a good book. Stay in touch with Stella via Twitter and  Facebook.

There’s no denying that sleep disruption is a part of life when you have a new baby. It’s to be expected that newborns will need feeding every few hours, keeping you from getting a solid night’s sleep. 

That being said, it’s still important that you make sleep a priority and get some rest whenever possible (yes, that means sleeping while the baby is sleeping). Sleep deprivation in the last weeks of pregnancy and first months of your baby’s life can have serious consequences for your physical and mental health, and the problems will only worsen the longer you go without getting enough sleep. Here are six reasons that you should make sleep a priority, and seek help from your partner, family and friends, or medical professional if you aren’t getting enough rest. 

Sleep Deprivation Contributes to Postpartum Depression

Poor sleep has long been known to be a factor in mental health issues like anxiety and depression, but a 2009 study found that in new mothers in particular, a lack of sleep is a significant contributor to postpartum depression independent of other risk factors. In other words, even if you don’t have any other risks for PPD, not getting enough sleep can increase the likelihood that you will suffer from it. It doesn’t help that many of the signs and symptoms of sleep deprivation are similar to those of depression, meaning that many women are simply diagnosed with sleep deprivation and not PPD. This only underscores the importance of women getting enough sleep after pregnancy and avoiding the tendency to just accept a lack of sleep as part of life with a new baby. 

Sleep Deprivation Contributes to Chronic Disease

A lack of sleep is a significant risk factor when it comes to chronic diseases. For instance, people who report chronic sleep deprivation often have higher blood pressure than those who get adequate amounts of sleep. Studies show that sleeping less than five hours per night can increase your blood pressure, but there are other risks as well. Not getting enough sleep also increases your risk of diabetes and heart disease. 

Sleep Deprivation Weakens Your Immune System

As a new mom, you’re likely to be focused on keeping your baby safe from germs and viruses that will make him sick, but if you aren’t getting enough sleep, you could be putting yourself at risk. Sleep helps keep your immune system strong enough to fight off viruses, such as those that cause colds and the flu. If you aren’t getting enough shuteye, your immune system doesn’t work as well as it could, increasing your chances of getting sick and possibly passing it on to the baby. In fact, your weakened immune system is one reason that getting enough sleep during pregnancy — and getting help sleeping while pregnant if necessary — is so important, as it helps maintain a healthy pregnancy and avoid complications. 

Sleep Deprivation Increases Your Risk of Having an Accident

Even before you have a baby, you know that not getting enough sleep can make you feel like a zombie the next day. You may have stumbled through the next day in a fog, feeling like you couldn’t focus or concentrate, and your memory was shot. Well, after you have a baby, and you don’t sleep well for weeks on end, those effects are only exacerbated. Not getting enough sleep significantly reduces your creativity and problem-solving skills, makes it almost impossible to concentrate, and because your brain isn’t getting the time it needs to make new connections and process thoughts, your short and long-term memory suffers. While this might lead to amusing moments, like putting the remote in the freezer, it can also present serious dangers to you and your baby. Not only does a lack of sleep affect your balance and physical coordination — making it more likely that you will fall or have a household accident — but it can also increase the chances of having an accident while driving, putting you and any passengers, including your baby, at risk. 

Sleep Deprivation Increases Weight Gain

If you are trying to shed the “baby weight” after giving birth, not getting enough sleep at night isn’t going to help. Sleep affects your body’s hunger responses, meaning that not only will you feel hungry more often and need to eat more to feel “full”, but you will crave foods that aren’t necessarily good for your waistline. Sleepiness naturally makes you want to eat foods that are higher in sugar and fat, causing issues with your metabolism and blood sugar and leading to weight gain. The longer you go without adequate sleep, the more you’ll have these cravings, and the greater the likelihood that you’ll not only hold on to the pregnancy pounds, but add to them. 

Sleep Deprivation Can Contribute to Lower Milk Supplies

Although sleep deprivation in and of itself won’t reduce milk supply for breastfeeding mothers, the effects of not getting enough sleep can. For instance, sleep deprivation contributes to increased levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which can significantly reduce your milk supply in as little as 24 hours. Not maintaining a healthy diet, and getting sick thanks to a weakened immune system can also cause your milk supply to dwindle. While you may have interrupted sleep during the first few weeks of your baby’s life when she needs to eat every few hours, making sleep a priority and getting rest when you can can go a long way toward maintaining your own health and ensuring you produce plenty of milk. 

Having a new little one in the house is a blessing and can be one of the greatest times in your life … but it can also be exhausting. Remember to take a few moments for yourself while you’re basking in the joys of new parenthood.

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As a mom, I’ve had to accept the fact that my teenagers would rather text than talk. And if I want to stay in touch with my teens, I’ve got to meet them where they live – on their phones. Most of our texts are functional messages, such as when they’ll be home, or where to pick them up, and this kind of information is helpful and makes life a little easier. I also like when my teens text me that they’ve arrived safely, or they’re running late. Now that my kids are in high school and college, our lives are busy, and our schedules are different. We can rarely find time to be together. Texting at least lets us stay in contact with each other.

15 texts I wish they’d send to me

It often feels like my teens only text when they want something- a ride, permission to go to a friend’s, supplies they want me to pick up from the store – or they want information – What’s for dinner? Where are the clean towels? Once in a while, it would be nice to get a text that makes me smile or makes me feel appreciated.

Here are 15 texts I wish my teenager would send to me:

1. Hi mom. Have a great day! See ya tonight
2. This house is sooo boring! So, I did the dishes!
3. Hate to admit it, but you were right
4. Got a minute? I need to ask your advice
5. I found my wallet. I did leave it in the car like you said
6. Practice cancelled. You can take it easy tonight
7. Just checking. The dog needed to go for a walk, right?
8. Good news on the math test! I got an A!
9. Got gas and washed the car. Just to say thanks for letting me drive to the game last night
10. Just thinking, when I move out, can I still come home for the holidays every year?
11. Sorry I’ve been a pain. Thanks for dealing with it
12. Got accepted to the university! And offered a scholarship!
13. How about popcorn and a movie at home tonight?
14. Don’t die of shock but I cleaned my room!
15. Just so you know, I love you.

Actually, just #15 would make me happy.

Keep Lines of Communication Open 

 Communicating with teens is important, but sometimes extremely difficult. I’ve found that parents and teens think differently about things, but with open communication, we can learn to understand each other and find common ground for agreement.

Teenagers sometimes find it hard to talk to parents face to face, because they aren’t comfortable talking about their emotions, or they worry about how we will react. I realize that when my teens send a text about an issue at school or a problem with a friend, it means they have reached out to me and want my help or support. It’s their way of opening the lines of communication and their preferred method of communicating. I need to keep that communication going in a way that feels comfortable to them, even if that’s through texting. Often we start a discussion of the problem with text messages, and later we can talk about it together in person.

When I do have an actual conversation with my teens, I try to remember to model good communication skills. While teens are prone to emotional outbursts, it’s vital for parents to stay calm and not be drawn into confrontations or drama. Practice aspects of positive parenting, including active listening and understanding. Be sure that you don’t communicate with your teen only when you have a grievance. Give them your approval and praise their accomplishments. Validate their feelings and give your support. Listen openly, without jumping in to give your advice or opinions. All of these communication skills can be practiced in text messages, as well as in person. You can send your teens supportive and positive texts. Maybe just a short message occasionally that says, “I’m proud of how you handled that situation yesterday” or “I admire how hard you’re working on your project for school” or “I really enjoyed hiking with you last weekend”. Don’t get all sappy and long-winded, but let your teens know you’re thinking of them, and you noticed that they did something well. 

When you take the time to talk with your teens, and listen to them, they know that you care, and that they’re a priority for you. Parents need to be aware of what’s happening in the lives of their teen and to watch for signs that their teen is having serious problems. Find some time in your busy schedules to do things together with your teens, and take advantage of the time together to chat about their lives. If your schedules just don’t allow for time together, or your teen has gone off to college, then checking in with a text now and then lets them know you are still thinking of them and they’re important to you. 

Texting with Teens

As I’ve tried to get more out of my own teenagers via text, there are a few things I have learned about texting with teens. It’s best to keep text messages short and simple. Teens don’t want to take the time to read long messages from their moms. They also don’t like a lot of questions. Teens are okay with exclamation points, but mostly avoid other punctuation marks. It seemed a bit odd to me, but teens find that too much punctuation changes the tone of a text. For example, using periods make a text seem too serious. Question marks with exclamation points after a question feels like you’re demanding an answer. Teens also don’t like when their parents use a lot of emojis. A thumbs up or smiley face once in a while is ok, but don’t go crazy with them. I try to respond to texts from my teens as soon as possible. I’ve learned not to expect them to answer my texts right away. They may be driving or in class, and it is better for them to reply later.

Like most moms, I am proud to see my teens grow in maturity and independence, but I miss talking with them and feeling that I’m a part of their lives. I’ve also learned that teens mostly communicate with each other through texts. So when they text me, they are not excluding me from their conversations, they are including me in their lives, and communicating with me in the way they like to communicate. When they text and ask for help, it’s because they trust me to be there for them. When they text about a problem, it’s because they know I will support them. They still want me to be involved in their lives. And every once in a while, they do text something nice, like “I love you.”

About the Author

Cindy Price is proud wife and mom to three teenagers. She would like to say she’s a parenting expert but she knows better than to do that. As a parent educator and writer for over 15 years, she’s well-aware how quickly parenting practices evolve. Family is her greatest joy and she hopes her writing can help make families stronger.

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New parents are often inundated with advice and suggestions from loved ones who “mean well.” And while you might occasionally be endowed with a golden nugget of information, most of the time, you wish that person had left their little comment to themselves. When talking to a new mom, people tend to forget that she’s most likely in a vulnerable place. Most moms value general support over advice—no matter who it comes from or how “heartfelt” it really is. It is best to avoid common controversial topics and instead focus on her, the baby, and what you can do to help her transition into motherhood.

Here are the top 12 topics it’s usually best to avoid….

1. Natural delivery vs C-section

The decision to have a C-section or natural delivery is between a woman and her doctor. This is a sensitive subject for most new moms so you should avoid discussions on the pros and cons of each delivery method. Keep in mind that she’s already delivered her baby, so this debate is now a moot point.

2. Breast vs bottle

As a parent, you may want to share your knowledge and experience with a new mom. Before you start a discussion regarding breast feeding, remember how overwhelmed you were when you became a mom. If your friend has decided to bottle feed her baby, respect her choice and don’t try to convince her to breastfeed.

3. Swaddling vs sleeping bags

Baby sleeping bags are “in” right now, so you might be tempted to weigh in on the matter. Understand that different things work for different people. So if your friend prefers to stick to swaddling instead of sleeping bags, that’s her choice.

4. Baby’s size and development

You may think you are complimenting a new mom when you tell her that her baby seems older than his actual age, but she may not see it in the same way. Your friend may wonder if her baby is fatter than he should be and could get hurt by your comments.

5. When to start solids

There isn’t a specific age when babies should start solids, and it often differs from one baby to the next. Instead of telling your friend when to wean her baby, you can offer your support by suggesting she read up on baby-led weaning so that she can make an informed decision.

6. Organic foods vs GMO

Some people feel that GMO foods could have an impact on the quality of a mother’s milk, but there is no evidence to support this. Even if you feel strongly about GMO and organic foods, don’t thrust your opinions on a new mom as she is already dealing with a lot.

7. Whether/when to circumcise a male child

Circumcision is a very controversial topic, and the decisions regarding it rest entirely with the parents. Avoid asking your friends about their plans to circumcise their baby and instead, leave it to them and their doctor to make the right choice.

8. Vaccinations

The vaccine war rages on with anti-vaxxers and pro-vaxxers refusing to budge from their opinions. New parents often receive plenty of conflicting advice from family and friends so it would be best to avoid this subject altogether. Parents will discuss their options with their child’s doctor to determine the best course of action for their child.

9. Cloth vs disposable diapers

“Green” cloth diapers are much better for the environment compared to disposable diapers. However, they require a lot more time and effort which means that this might not be an option for everyone. Do not make your friend feel guilty about her choice to use disposable diapers. At the most, you can offer a cloth diaper service as a gift for the baby.

10. Sleeping Arrangements

People often ask about sleeping arrangements since co-sleeping is another hot topic of conversation. Unless your friend specifically asks you for your opinion and experiences with co-sleeping, don’t offer any suggestions.

11. Babywearing

Babywearing can have a negative impact on a baby’s health and even cause hip dysplasia. However, when done right, there are plenty of benefits of babywearing. Do not instigate a conversation about babywearing, but if you see that your friend is using her carrier incorrectly, you can gently point it out.

12. Stay-at-home vs working

Most new moms would prefer to stay home and take care of their little ones but are unable to do so due to financial constraints. You know that your friend is making the best choices for her family, so instead of comparing, focus on being supportive.

Pregnancy and childbirth take a toll on women, and it is estimated that 50-75% of all women experience postpartum depression. A new mom needs the love and support of her friends and family, so only intervene if you realize that her depression or anxiety symptoms are unusually severe.

Authors Bio

Anita Fernandes has been writing extensively on health and wellness for over a decade. She has expertise in nutrition, fitness, public health, and weight loss and has contributed content to a variety of leading digital health publishers. Anita has a unique perspective on healthy living and lifestyle,as she has battled and overcome chronic back pains. She shares her experiences in an effort to help others overcome the physical and mental health problems that can sometimes seem insurmountable.

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I was hiding in the bathroom again. It wasn’t hide-and-seek so much as, ‘how long until a child finds me here.’  I pulled out my phone and scrolled through Instagram while I cried hot tears into my cold coffee. There had already been spilled milk, a diaper blow-out, an argument with the four-year-old, and that nagging question of what on earth to feed everyone for dinner. We had only been awake for a few hours. I had no idea how I was going to make it to bedtime. All too soon, little voices called for Mama and little hands knocked on the door, quickly turning from sweet calls to desperate, tearful cries. I felt like I was drowning.

Burnout among stay-at-home mothers is becoming an increasing concern. At home all day with little people, women feel isolated and discouraged. Often, they don’t know who to ask for help or how to ask for the support they desperately need. The quick solution to this burnout is often another bubble bath, a latte, a pint of ice cream, and a Netflix binge. I love these things as much as the next woman, but when you’re fighting burnout, they simply don’t cut it. To combat mommy burnout, you need to find things that fill you deeply, down to your core. These practices may not always appear restful or peaceful, but when you fill your soul with what matters most to you, you’ll find a deeper sense of peace and fulfillment than a bubble bath could ever give.

Here are a few tips to treat mommy burnout:

1. Let go of the pressure to be the perfect mother.

It can be so easy to see the worst in ourselves and compare that to the best in others. Social media makes this especially easy to do. We always lose in this unbalanced comparison and it steals our joy. Write down a few ways you are an incredible mom and hang the list on your fridge. Focus on your strengths when you are struggling, rather than zooming in on what you don’t do well. Celebrate the ways you love your kids and how much they love you in return.

2. Rediscover your hobbies.

Do you remember what you used to do in your spare time before kids? Did you hike or bake or read or explore new places? Often hobbies and interests are forgotten when focus shifts to our children. While you may not be able to backpack Europe in this season, you can find other ways to do what you love. Join a rock-climbing gym or a book club. Find a cooking class, attend an art exhibit, or join a local running group. Whatever your passion, there is likely a way you can dive into it near your home. Who knows, maybe another mom you know wants to join you!

3. Create kid-free space in your life.

Sometimes you need to reacquaint yourself with the woman inside the mom. You are an incredible person with interests, passions, and goals that reach beyond your motherhood. It’s vital not to forget about this part of yourself in the grueling years of early parenting. If possible, find time to be alone or with other adults away from your children. Perhaps you can trade childcare with a friend or ask your partner or a family member for help. Many gyms have childcare available or you could find a sitter if money allows. Even though it can be complicated to arrange childcare, taking care of yourself is worth the sacrifice.

4. Join a community of moms.

I often say that motherhood is a team sport. If you want to avoid mommy burnout, you need other women supporting you as you raise your kids. While some women have family or close friends nearby, many of us live far away from our loved ones and need local support. Check your community center, nearby churches, or local apps for potential mom groups you can join in your area. Organizations like Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) also offer nationwide groups. If your community does not have options like this there are many wonderful, supportive online communities you can join.

5. Choose gratitude.

Daily gratitude practices can make an unexpected difference in your life. When your focus changes from negative to positive, the way you see the world changes for the better. Many faith traditions offer ways to practice gratitude like prayer, meditation, or reading sacred texts. I have a journal I use to record things I’m grateful for (big and small!) throughout my week. My Grammy keeps a jar she calls her “Blessings Jar”- any time something good happens, she records it on a slip of paper and adds it to the jar. On hard days, she reads all the papers and remembers these good moments.

How to you combat mommy burnout in your life?

Author Bio

Melanie Allen is the mama to three amazing humans. During a rare free moment, you can find her with a hot cup of coffee and a good book. She writes at intentionalmotherhoodproject.com.