I didn’t know how deeply I could feel, then I became a mom. It brought so so much joy and a love so deep I still cannot express it. But with it also came a whole wave of other strong emotions I didn’t expect. They all ran so deep it took some time to figure out this new, more emotional, more sensitive me. Along the way I noticed their are some habits we that are easy to pick up and even harder to break.
1. Mom Guilt
All moms know about the mom-guilt. We kinda never stop feeling guilty. It might because we don’t read to our kids enough, or the dishes haven’t been done in 3 days, or because we yell too much. Really anything at all to do with our kids, or actually, just anything at all. Nothing rocks you to your core quite like motherhood. Yes, while it is good to care so much about being a good mom, we also need to let go of the guilt and give ourselves a break. Don’t beat yourself up for what you are not doing, or even what you are. But focus on the good and the joy your kiddos bring you. They won’t remember the boo boo they got falling off the slide as much as they will remember you being there to kiss it better. They definitely will not remember dishes in the sick because you were too busy building a fort to think about cleaning. Don’t let mom-guilt rob you of todays joy.
2. Avoiding Self-Care
Even though we feel guilty because we think like we should always be doing more for our kids, the reality is we are always killing ourselves in order to be a perfect mom. I remember when I used to go shopping for me and now I just make a beeline to the kid section and all my clothes have holes in them. Oh, how things change. This may be a silly example but it shows how we think about our babies before ourselves every single day. Honestly, I feel bad when I shut the bathroom door in my 2-year old’s face so I can pee in private. But on top of trying to live less with less mom-guilt I am also finally realizing that self-care is just as important. In order to be the best moms we can be we need to spend some time on ourselves. It’s ok to take a night off and enjoy a cocktail with friends. Or to splurge on something for yourself as your kid doesn’t really need another cute outfit. It’s even ok to let the TV babysit for awhile if you need half and hour to check your email. We need to make sure we are looking after ourselves too.
3. Judging Other Moms
I really hope that no one has to ever experience being judged by another mom. I also have to say how much I love the positive and encouraging mom community I see on social media these days. Has anyone seen that Similac commercial? I want to tear up at the end, every single time. Unfortunately, even still there is so much judgement that goes on in Motherhood. It doesn’t matter if you are a stay-at-home-mom or a working mom. A breast or bottle feeding mom. Whether you co-sleep or encourage sleep training. You make decisions that are best for your family, as we all do, but sometimes you are judged by the decision and that needs to stop. We should be encouraging and supporting each other on this crazy ride. There are a million different ways to parents and no two families will do it the same.
4. Comparison
With the guidelines we are given from the pedritician its easy to forget that babies have their own timeline and they are all different. My little girl did everything super fast and I still wondered why it took her so long to master the straw cup, no matter that she was walking at 9 months. OR if you are an avid social media user it can be easy to compare the lives of our friends to our own. But really what we are seeing in that perfectly curated Instagram’s is the highlights from our friends lives. The beautiful moments they have chosen to share with us. Why would they post and remember the temper tantrums and crayon on the wall? But trust me, behind those perfect images is a juggling, tired and thankful mama, just like you.