I have a confession to make: sometimes I yell at my son. I’m sure you probably have the same confession to make. I think that every parent has or will yell at their child at some point. Obviously, this is not something that I’m proud of or want to do again, but I know and realize that I am human and it happens. The pain and sadness we feel after we’ve yelled is usually the worst part about the whole situation. We’ve all felt that horrible guilt after yelling at your child and although it’s not fun, it’s part of life. In order to help you avoid feeling that way in the future, here are 7 things to do after you yell at your kids.
1. Calm Down
Usually when you’re at the point where you are yelling your blood is boiling and your heart rate racing, therefore you need to give yourself a minute to calm down. Remove yourself from the situation and give yourself a minute to take a few deep breathes. If you have to lock yourself in the bathroom to get a minute of peace, do it. Do whatever it takes to give your mind a break so you can sort through your feelings and figure out what to do next.
2. Explain Yourself
It’s important for your children to understand WHY you got angry and yelled. They are learning about the world and will learn best by your example and your teaching. After you’ve calmed down enough to talk to your child, go up to them and explain why you were angry and why you raised your voice at them. It will help them to better understand that it wasn’t just what they were doing that caused you to yell, but that it was also because you were tired, irritable, or stressed.
3. Apologize
After you’ve explained to your child why you were angry, apologize. Although you may have had reason to get upset, it’s not an excuse to yell at your child. It’s important for you to own up to your mistake so your child can learn how to do that for themselves. They also need to know that you didn’t WANT to yell at them or be upset with them, but that your emotions got the best of you.
4. Give Yourself Another Chance
After you’ve calmed down, explained yourself, and apologized, chances are you’re going to be put back in the same situation that you were in in the first place. Just because you yelled at your child doesn’t mean the situation was resolved. When the same situation comes up again whether in a few minutes, hours, days, or weeks, give yourself another chance to act correctly and do the right thing.
5. Give Yourself A Break
Look, we all make mistakes. Everyone is human and no one is perfect. Don’t be too hard on yourself after you’ve yelled at your child. Remember that it happens to every single parent. It doesn’t mean you’re a horrible person or parent, all it means is that you are a normal human being who’s emotions get the best of them sometimes. Forgive yourself for what you did and move on. There will always be a chance to redeem yourself in the future.
6. Reconnect With Your Kids
I’ve noticed that most often when I get frustrated with my son and annoyed with him it’s because I haven’t been spending as much quality time with him as I should. Giving yourself time to play, have fun, and connect with your child will make both of you happier and more trusting of one another. This means that in the future they will be more willing to listen to you because they respect you and love you. So, take a break from all your work, cleaning, cooking, and errands and really have some fun with your kids. It will do both of your body’s and heart’s a whole lot of good.
7. Get Some Alone Time
I have to admit, a lot of times I notice I get more easily upset with my son when it’s been a while since I’ve had some “me” time. Getting time by ourselves is incredibly important as a mother. It allows us to relax and recharge. If you are noticing you are becoming irritable when it comes to dealing with your children, set up a time for someone else to watch your kids so you can get away for a few hours whether by yourself, with your husband, or with friends.
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Mary Mulroney
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