One of the best things about starting to date someone are all of the fun, giddy, amazing feelings you feel for the first few months and maybe even years. The constant wonder about what they will say or do next, if they are going to kiss you or not, where they’re going to take you tonight for your third date of the week, and the endless amounts of public affection are so fun. Fast forward that relationship to being married, having 3 kids, 2 jobs, a house and you probably don’t have those same giddy feelings every day when you spend time with your significant other. It’s sad, yes, but part of life. That doesn’t mean you don’t love your husband, it just means that you’ve focused so much on others and on the rest of life that you’ve forgotten how to have those feelings. Luckily, you can rekindle those fun feelings you felt in the early days of your relationship and marriage by doing these 7 things.
1. Date
Just because you are married and no longer pursuing one another doesn’t mean that you can stop dating each other. Dating is one of the best ways to keep your marriage fun and exciting. You don’t have to go on multiple dates a week like you did when you first started dating, but just one date night a week would be great. It gives you a chance to get away from the kids, work, and housework, have fun with each other, and enjoy a little romance.
2. Kiss
Remember the good old days when you could sit on your couch making out for hours with your lover? As much fun as that was (and still can be) for some reason the desire to make out all the time fades as your relationship grows older. It doesn’t have to be that way, though. Next time you two are sitting on the couch, lean over and give your husband a great big kiss, or when you’re on date night sneak away in an alley to kiss for a few minutes. It doesn’t have to be for hours and hours like it used to be, but increasing the amount of times you kiss each other through out the day will make you want to do it more and will make you feel more connected to each other.
3. Touch Each Other
Remember when you and your husband couldn’t take your hands off of each other when you were first dating? I bet people would tell you multiple times to get a room because you couldn’t stop hugging, holding hands, and touching each other. Just like kissing fades with time, so does all of the touching. Bring that back into your relationship and hold hands more when you are out and about even if you’re doing something as mundane as grocery shopping. Hug each other more through out the day, and I mean really hug. Give a long, tight hug, not just a quick hug to get it over with so you can get out the door. Being more in tune with each other’s bodies will certainly make you want to do it more and will make you feel more in love with one another.
4. Reminisce On Old Times
There’s nothing like reminiscing on old times to bring back a wonderful feeling of nostalgia. Talking about the good old days when you used to do fun and crazy things will remind you how to have fun again. It will inspire you to do more fun things even now as you have kids and a crazy busy life. It may inspire you to take another Caribbean vacation or to go skinny dipping in the ocean at night. You never know what can happen.
5. Write Love Notes Or Texts
I used to love getting love notes and texts from my husband back when we were dating. We probably sent a million texts a day because we couldn’t stand to not talk to each other and most of the texts were about how much we loved and missed each other. Well, a great way to feel giddy and in love again is to bring back those love notes. Start texting your husband through out the day with thoughtful texts about how much you love him, leave notes for him in his lunch bag or work suitcase. Doing those things will inspire him to do the same for you and it will get both of you giddy about seeing a text from each other because you never know what it will say.
6. Be Spontaneous
Perhaps one of the biggest parts about a relationship that fades over time as you get married and have children is the ability to be spontaneous. Being spontaneous together is incredibly fun, but also not very practical when you have to be home at 8 pm every night for bedtimes. Try to be as spontaneous as you can be, though, even if you have to take the kids along. On the way home for soccer practice, stop and get ice cream together as a surprise, when you’re at home watching Netflix, call up your mom to come watch the kids for a few hours so you two can sneak away for some alone time, etc. If you have a thought about doing something fun, DO IT! Don’t think, “but we have the kids.” Just bring them along, or find a babysitter.
7. Sleep Together
When I say sleep together, I really do mean SLEEP together. Back when my husband and I were newlyweds we both went to bed at the same time, even if it meant the other one had to wait up for a little bit for the other to finish something. As life passes us by we stop focusing on the importance of going to bed together and one of us ends up staying up late because we have a little more work we want to get done, or because one of us wants to finish watching a show before we head to bed. This going to bed at separate times creates less opportunities for pillow talk and less spontaneous intimacy. If you start making an effort to go to bed together, odds are you’ll have more intimacy in your marriage and develop a closer relationship.
Mary Mulroney
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