From a young age, I knew I wanted to adopt. The idea of kids living without a permanent family devastated me. I didn’t quite understand why taking a family from an innocent child would ever happen, but I knew I wanted to offer some kind of “second chance” to kids who were handed circumstances they didn’t deserve.
However, I often thought about adoption on “my terms.” I wanted the process to be as easy and comfortable as possible: the younger the child the better, minimal trauma experienced, closed adoption to avoid any family drama, etc.
It wasn’t until the Lord worked on my heart to say “yes” to any child we were given, no matter what, that I began to see the true beauty of adoption — and that it wasn’t about me! This doesn’t mean that every adoption opportunity we were given actually came to pass, but what it does mean is we had to learn to trust God to close the doors rather than our fear.
Our first adoption experience we got our referral call, and it was mixed with both excitement and fear. We were told our daughter may not survive as she was severely malnourished. She was across the ocean battling hunger while we did everything we could to give her the nourishment she needed to keep fighting. Thankfully, God provided and blessed her with an amazing foster family who took care of her needs and loved her as their own. But it was scary saying yes, and I worried every day. I look back on that first phone conversation and know without a doubt it was God pushing me to say “yes” because her health was not something I willingly wanted to tackle. I was selfish and full of fear.
But now, I can’t imagine ever saying no.
Since then, we have been in another adoption process with several referrals that have fallen through on their end, but not on ours. Children of all ages, all types of trauma, and even open adoptions have been presented to us. Everything opposite of what I initially wanted adoption to look like — each call stretching me outside my comfort zone and teaching a lesson that “It’s not about me.”
I’m fully confident that God is actively involved in each and every adoption story. Of course, it wasn’t His plan for their first family to fall apart. But God gives us free will, and the world is broken. He does, however, give beautiful second chances when we say “yes”! Take it from someone who used to make it all about herself; adoption is about saying “yes” and watching God equip you and swell your heart with love you didn’t think could grow in uncomfortable and scary circumstances.
Because it can and it does.
When you feel fear start to creep in and steal your “yes,” remind yourself:
Adoption is not about you. Sure, you want to be sure it’s right for your family, but make sure your hesitancy is coming from a good place and not just a place of fear.
You don’t have to be enough because GOD is enough.
If you’ve covered your adoption process in prayer, you can trust God to shut the doors if it’s not the right fit. I’ve seen this first-hand.
Sure, children from hard places may have “problems” but, honestly, who doesn’t have problems? I know I come with a set of problems of my own and have never been without the love of a family. We need each other.
Scars may always be there, but they DO fade with time.
There are resources and support out there to help you along the way!
We hope that this eases your fears a bit and opens your heart. And if adoption isn’t for you, consider supporting a family who has or is adopting. We can all play an important role in giving kids the second chance they deserve!
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