Parenting is an unpredictable adventure. Just when you think you’ve got it figured out, something happens to prove otherwise. You plan, you schedule, you prepare, and most of the time all of that hard work goes unnoticed. One thing you can guarantee about being a parent is that Murphy’s law will definitely strike. No matter how many times you start the day off on the right foot, it’s inevitable that sometimes you’ll end the day on the wrong foot. It’s always when you’re having the worst day that the worst things happen. When Murphy’s law does hit, especially with these 8 parenting laws, you’ll wish there were mom lawyers who could sue Murphy for emotional distress.
1. Mommy Will Not Shower In Peace
At the top of every mom’s list of things she wishes she had more of is usually “a nice, long, uninterrupted shower.” Because to children, the word “shower” gives off a signal that it’s time to wreak havoc on anything and everything and everyone. Siblings choose mommy’s shower time to bicker and argue over having to share their toys. They also seem to think it’s a great opportunity for sneaking into the pantry for a snack, most of which ends up as hundreds of crumbs sprinkled across the house. And finally, “shower time for mom” means stalk her right outside the shower door, bang on it, practice gymnastics, ask her lots of questions and enthusiastically proclaim that you pooped your pants.
2. The Kids Will Decide Which Dinners Get Devoured
2. The Kids Will Decide Which Dinners Get DevouredSometimes I have nights where I make this well-balanced meal that I found the recipe for on Pinterest. And I’m so proud of myself that I can’t wait to serve it to my kids. Then it comes time to eat, and the kids, who five minutes ago were “staaaarving,” suddenly aren’t hungry anymore. Or don’t want to eat the meal because it looks weird. Or it smells funky. Or they just want to be little turds and think they can manipulate mommy into making something else. It’s always the nights where you put blood, sweat and tears (sometimes literally) into your meals that your efforts are rejected.
3. A Freshly Made Bed Must Be Soiled Again
3. A Freshly Made Bed Must Be Soiled AgainThis is especially true during potty training but can happen anytime. You wash the sheets, pillowcases and mattress cover on your child’s bed. You dry them, twice, and then put them back on the bed. You fluff the pillows, smooth out the wrinkles on the sheets and tuck the corners of the sheet neatly under the mattress. And then, within 20 minutes, your child somehow has an accident on the freshly made bed you just primped. It’s like children think that changing the bed is quick, easy and enjoyable. Maybe they know that this often leads to co-sleeping because mama is way too exhausted to go through the whole changing the sheets routine more than once a day.
4. Adult Conversations Can Last No More Than Two Minutes
4. Adult Conversations Can Last No More Than Two MinutesYou finally have a few minutes to call a good friend and chat. Finally, another grown up to talk to! But no. Your children aren’t having it. Even though you’ve told them twelve times to “please be quiet, mommy’s on the phone,” they couldn’t care less about anything you say. Unless you’re saying it to them of course. “Mommy, watch! Mommy, who are you talking to? Mommy! Mommy!” No matter how many ways you try to ignore them, nothing works. When you don’t respond verbally, they pull on the bottom of your shirt. When that doesn’t work, they start throwing things across the room. This is why so many moms keep bottles of wine in the kitchen!
5. You Can Only Drink Cold Coffee
5. You Can Only Drink Cold CoffeeSo many moms start their days with a highly caffeinated cup of coffee. Or at least, that’s the intention. But after reheating it several times, you start to realize it’s quite pointless. When you first pour it into your mug, you feel like you’re waiting to open your presents on Christmas morning. And then your child trips and busts his lip. Or refuses to wear the clothes you picked out for him. Or your husband calls with some “emergency,” and by the time you’ve handled the situation, your coffee is ice cold. When things finally settle down, you’re already driving somewhere and realize you left your coffee in the microwave.
6. Expensive Toys Are Not To Be Enjoyed
6. Expensive Toys Are Not To Be EnjoyedIf there’s one thing children really can’t appreciate until they start earning their own money, it’s the value of their belongings. They’ll beg you for a toy at the store, and you finally give in because you just want them to shut up. Then you get home, open the toy and your child is thrilled to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And then, it’s like the toy is made of broccoli and they want nothing to do with it. It wouldn’t be that big of a deal normally, but this toy was not cheap! That’s part of the reason you said “no” to buying it in the first place. Mommy totally could have spent that money on another bottle of wine, kid!
7. Laundry Day Will Be Everyday
7. Laundry Day Will Be EverydayWhen it comes to moms and laundry, it’s a never ending cycle. By the time you finally get around to folding and putting away the clothes from three days ago, it’s time to throw a new load into the washer. And when that load is finished, it usually ends up piled on top of the other one. Instead of putting everything away, you just dig through the mountain of madness whenever you need a pair of pants.
8. Everyday Essentials Will Often Be Forgotten
8. Everyday Essentials Will Often Be ForgottenYou’re on your weekly trip to Target, standing at the checkout counter. Your kids are bouncing around, ready to leave, asking for a snack as the cashier flashes you a half smile with a dose of pity. It’s then that you realize you forgot your RedCard. Actually, your wallet. And of course, there’s no way you’re going to go home, come back and torture your children with round two. You decide to call your husband and see if he can meet you at the store with money. But…you also left your cell phone at home. The one day you stock up on toiletries and diapers will be the one day you left your method of payment sitting on the kitchen counter. Along with your sanity.
Leena Kollar
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Leena Kollar
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