The most popular question I get asked as a woman after “do you have children” is “when are you going to have another?” Most people are well meaning, simply asking about your dreams of stretching your motherhood journey a few more years. But then there are those that look upon you aghast, horrified that you would subject your only child to a life of loneliness and isolation. “But WHY? Your daughter is so cute and such a good girl” is something I hear all too often. Not that I need to prove myself to anyone else, but there are actually a number of reasons that people, myself included, choose to have only 1 child. So before you start asking what someone else’s plans are in the baby making department, check out some of these reasons they may be happy just the way they are.
1. Some People Only Want 1 Child: Deal With It!
When my husband I got married, we were perfectly happy if we did not have children. But once I hit my 30’s I realized I may want to try out this whole motherhood thing. So we had our daughter and feel pretty good about it. Neither of us are kids people and we never had dreams of having big families, especially since we didn’t come from them. We love our daughter and never regret her one instant. But neither do we feel like we want to add another person to our family. We both get anxious when they are large numbers of kids around. Our family feels complete, and it’s inappropriate for others to elude that your family cannot be complete with anything less than 2 children. Just like parents of one child shoudn’t react with statements like “You’re having ANOTHER BABY!?” we don’t enjoy your objection at us having just the one.
2. Physically Unable To Have More Children
Many people don’t imagine that their question to a parent of an only child could be hurtful, because they actually want more children but can’t physically have them. Adoption is not always a financial option for many people, so these families consider their family of 3 to be just fine. I have several friends who have survived cancer or other issues that prevent them from conceiving and giving birth, and those reasons are just as good as any to stay happy with your singleton.
3. Financial Limitations
In case you haven’t noticed, kids are expensive. Heck, just living in the U.S. is expensive! And if you think your toddler is pricey now, then just wait until high school and college! Some families make the choice to have one child so they can afford them everything they need, and to live within their means. You wouldn’t criticize someone for purchasing a big ticket item that they couldn’t afford, would you? So it’s probably not wise to tell a person who only has one child that “you can never actually afford a child, it will just work itself out.”
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Karly Wood
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